Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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