I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
