Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
