just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
