If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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