Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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