oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
