I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
