Well apparently he's into motor boating.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
