Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I will be naked everywhere
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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