Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my liver is dry heaving
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
