1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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