they need to just BURY HIM!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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