what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize