Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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