Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
