She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
