I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
