Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
