They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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