and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
