Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
