Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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