One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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