I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
