four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
