I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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