i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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