i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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