dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
