her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
