Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
