Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
