I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
