After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize