It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
