Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
