you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
