I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
