my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
