SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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