nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
