'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
