I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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