I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
