After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
