I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
