first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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