listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
