I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
