Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
even my farts smell like vagina
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize