You're completely useless in the revolution.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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