Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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