What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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