SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
