I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize