I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
