what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
