I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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