every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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