butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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