Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
