Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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