i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
