Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
