what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
