you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
