i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
