Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
