did you get engaged???
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
