A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize