dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
