I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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