Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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