so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just threw up on my dentist
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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