wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
