i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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