I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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