He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
