that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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