Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
