I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
