Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize