he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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