At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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