he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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