You really coming over, don't trick.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
