Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
