i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
