You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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