we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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