I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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