can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
