I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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