you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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