I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
