I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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