I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
