Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Terrible idea I love it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
