I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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