i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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