I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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