This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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