cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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