I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
