...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
