No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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