Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
