If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
