i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
